A wife asked her husband: "What do you

A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me - my pretty face or my shapely body or my sweet voice?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humour..."

Santa: Yaar tujhe bus mein thapad kyun pada?

Santa: Yaar tujhe bus mein thapad kyun pada?
Banta: Pata nahin yaar, meri photo neeche gir gayee thi, maine kaha behen ji zara saadi upar karna photo leni hai. 
 

Santa and banta were caught raping a girl.

Santa and banta were caught raping a girl. They were called for identification parade. When the girl arrives, both Santa and Banta shout together: "Yahi thee, Yahi thee"

Jaspinder meets a her school friend after 20 years

Jaspinder meets a her school friend after 20 years and tells her how her life has been great and that she has 10 children.
'Wow!' says her friend. 'What are their names?'
'Mandeep, Mandeep, Mandeep, Mandeep, Mandeep, Mandeep, Mandeep, Mandeep, Mandeep and Mandeep,' she answers, smiling proudly.
Her friend looks at her dubiously. 'Really?' she says. 'So what if you want them to come in from playing outside?'
'That's easy, I just shout Mandeep and they all come running,' answers Jaspinder.
Her friend is not convinced. 'And what if you want them to come to the table for dinner?' she asks. 'Again,' she says, 'I just shout 'Mandeep, dinner's ready!''
'But wait a minute,’ says her friend. 'What if you just want one of them to do something?'
'That is also easy,' says the woman, nodding. 'Then I have to use their last names.'

Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad

Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, he and you both have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

Santa was very fond of betting and cricket

Santa was very fond of betting and cricket. One evening he was very sad. Banta asked "what happened". He says I lost Rs. 700 in bet on todays's match. "Ohh. But 700 is a odd figure?". Banta said " I lost 200 during match on bet that India will win. I lost. I thought that I will cover loss and bet for India's win for 500 during highlights also!"

Santa was giving exam and suddenly stood up

Santa was giving exam and suddenly stood up. He removed his shirt. Then he removed his baniyan and when he was about to remove his pant, examiner comes and shouts " what are you doing Sardarji?". Santa replied " It is written in paper that, answer in brief only!"

Santa(stay's in Delhi) buys new Maruti car.

Santa(stay's in Delhi) buys new Maruti car. He tells his mother that I will go to my friends house in Chandigarh. He starts in morning and reaches there at 1 PM and rings his mother that he reached safely. Next day morning he starts back to Delhi but does not reach till evening. His mothet is really worried. Finally Santa reaches after 3 days and as soon as he enters, he tell mother to put iodex on his neck. Ok mother puts and asks why he took 3 days for coming back. "This is the total fault of Maruti. For going to Chandigarh, they gave 4 gears but only one gear for coming to Delhi!"

Old lady

once a old lady died in her childhood. ---

Goooooooooonnnnn

Santa was trying to sleep but a stupid mosquito was making noise "gooooooooonnn", every time he was about to sleep. After tolerating for 10 times, Santa sat down and started following movements of that stupid mosquito. Finally he is able to catch him in his folded hands. Now, he brings this mosquito near his mouth and sings a smooth song (lori), After sometime mosquito is sleepy. "Now is the right time" says Santa and shouts "Gooooooooonnnn" near mosquito's ears.

Chiken first or Egg?

While sitting in restaurant, Santa was asked " what came first? Chicken or Egg"
Our Super Intelligent Santaji replied " Such an easy question . What you ordered first, will come first"

Book on Memory

A person was weak in memory. He sees a book in shop " Sure techniques of increasing memory" He buys and reads continuously for 4 days. he is very impressed with the techniques. After finishing the book he is shouting with excitement that his problem is surely solved and now he has fantastic memory. He goes to keep this book in his Almira and to his utter shock, he finds another copy of same book lying in the Almira ( which he has read 15 days ago!)

Super Intelligent

3 toppers of IIT Delhi Mechanical Engg. were awarded a prize to Visit Dubai. They were caught by Police on doubt of shop lifting. Court awards death punishment to all. 3rd topper is brought to death platform and are given choices. Face up or face down? He chooses Face up. Face covered or open? "Open". "Brave!" Killer man is impressed and now presses button so that the blade falls on his neck. But, to the luck of Student, mechanism fails and blade does not fall. As per law of Dubai, he is let free. Now the second topper is called. He also chooses same options. This time also blade does not fall and he is also let free. Now is the turn of 1st topper ( the super intelligent mechanical engineer). He also chooses same options. Just before killer man was to press button, he asks him to stop. He says " that 3rd screw from top is loose. that is why blade is not falling"

Q: A Man asked Santa, "Akal badhi ya bhains? "

Q: A Man asked Santa, "Akal badhi ya bhains? "
A: Santa bola, "Pehle date of birth to batao."

written on outside a temple

written on outside a temple
"if bored by sin , come inside"
someone added below
"if not, ring '981122211222'- Seema"

Doctor advises to a chain smoker.

Doctor advises to a chain smoker.
"have only one before dinner and one after"
after 2 weeks -
"how is it going"
"my stomach is upset"
?
"eating 12 times a day"

Santa banta went to a restaurent

Santa banta went to a restaurent
they takeout sandwitches from there pockets and exchange it.
?
because eating own food is not allowed

In a ship the Generals of three nations were traveling with their soldiers.

In a ship the Generals of three nations were traveling with their soldiers.
They started the topic that whose soldier had more of guts.

The American general called for one of his men and told him to jump down the
ship and take a round swimming around the moving ship. The soldier did as he
was commanded and the general boasted of by saying "See the guts !".

Now the German general called out for one of his men and asked him to take
two similar rounds.the soldier did as he was told.when he came back from the
water the German said "See the guts ".

Now the Indian General called out for his most courageous man and asked him
to take five similar rounds.

The soldier promptly replied, "Am I your dad's servant?".

At this the general proudly said "See the guts".

Q: How do you recognize Santa's son, Pappu, in School?

Q: How do you recognize Santa's son, Pappu, in School?A: He is the one who erases the books when the teacher erases the board.

a lady to a friend.

a lady to a friend.
"i am very scared now a days"
?
" he often says that i will make this house a heaven."
"why to worry then"
"i think that he is divorcing me"

A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married

A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I would have married you THIS DOES MATTER AT ALL - - (husband very happy) - - WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"

A man: "Sardarji, tell me, why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in the

A man: "Sardarji, tell me, why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in the
evening not in the morning?"
Sardarji: ''Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM''.

1 person digging and other filling it?

1 person digging and other filling it?
- the 3rd person to shift it is on leave

Santa in exam answers 'yes/no' questions by tosses.

Santa in exam answers 'yes/no' questions by tosses.
but he is very tense. Why ?
on rechecking he finds answers not talling

Wife : You always carry my photo in your

Wife : You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you? ;
Hubby: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"

Banta ek sadhu se bola"

Banta ek sadhu se bola" Baba, meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi upay batao.
Sadhu: Beta, upaay hota to main sadhu kyun banta?

Preeto: Raat ko aap peeke gutter mein gir gaye the.

Preeto: Raat ko aap peeke gutter mein gir gaye the.
Banta: Kya bataoon, sub galat sangati ka asar hai, hum 4 dost... 1 bottle, aur woh teeno kambhakt peeten nahin.

santa on train to patiala

Santa on train to patiala and was feeling very sleepy
asks a person to wake him at 4 am and pays 20 Rs. as fees.
he was a barber.
He feels 20 Rs. is very high just for waking so shaves him free while Santa was sleeping.
Santa goes home in morning and goes to wash basin. He touches his cheeks and finds some change. Then he sees in mirror and shouts
" Oye, that person was a big cheater! I paid him 20 Rs. and he waked another person"

Santa to help line - MY computeris asking to press any key.

Santa to help line - MY computeris asking to press any key.
So what is the problem? - My Keyboard does not have 'any key'

Once Banta got a party invitation saying..... Black

Once Banta got a party invitation saying..... Black
tie only ! At the
>party Banta was very shocked to see other people
wearing suits
>also!!!!!!

Santa and banta in a football stadium:

Santa and banta in a football stadium:
>Santa: paaji yeh log ball se kya kar rahe hain?
>Banta: goal kar rahe hain!!!
>Santa:"lekin paaji ball toh pehle se gol hain , aur
kitni gol
>karenge!!!!!!!!!"

What is Common between: Krishna , Ram, Gandhi ji & Jesus

*What is Common between: Krishna , Ram, Gandhi ji & Jesus..? * *Santa ji Replied: All are born on Government Holidays. *

Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.

Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.
Santa: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi.?

Postman: - I Have To Come 5 Miles

Postman: - I Have To Come 5 Miles to Deliver U This Packet
Santa: - why did U come so far. Instead U could Have posted it....

Santa & Banta got tired of mobile & decide 2 use pigeons.

Santa & Banta got tired of mobile & decide 2 use pigeons. 1 day a pigeon reaches Banta without message. Angry Banta calls Santa!
Santa: Oye, this was a missed call

How did Santa singh attempt to transfer some files

How did Santa singh attempt to transfer some files
from one PC to
>another PC....
>1) Right clicked the mouse on the file which he
wanted to transfer and
>selected cut option
>2) Disconnected the mouse from that PC
>3) Took that mouse carefully and connected it to the
other PC where he
>wanted to copy that file 4)And is still trying to
paste it
>there....!!!!!!!!!

Santa comes from a whole night train jouney

Santa comes from a whole night train jouney and tells his friend

" I could not sleep whole night"

Friend : why?

Santa: " I got upper berth."

Friend : "why didn't you exchange?"

Santa: "Oye, there was nobody to exchange in the lower berth."

Santa & his wife filed an application for Divorce

Santa & his wife filed an application for Divorce.Judge asked: How'll U divide your kids, U"VE 3 children? Santa replied: Ok! We'll apply NEXT YEAR

Santa falls in luv with a nurse

Santa falls in luv with a nurse... After much thinking, he finally writes a love letter to her: "I luv u sister."

Santa was drawing money from ATM,

Santa was drawing money from ATM, Banta behind him in the line said, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! I've seen your password. Its 4 asterisks (****).
"The Santa replies, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! U R wrong, Its 1258"

a very jolly nature Santa buy

a very jolly nature Santa buy Transistor Radio and puts in toilet. All goes well for many days and he enjoys music very well. But on independence day it creates a problem. Jan Gan Man -- -

Santa in train to Banta(TT)

Santa in train. Tells Banta(TT)
"there is a ticketless person in toilet"
Banta goes to toilet and looks in mirror.
He finds the face familier and comes back and tells Santa
"no problem, he is staff"

Santa wears reverse pagri,

Santa wears reverse pagri, after seeing hemant shashania.
Banta meets him on way and asks if you r coming or going?

wife - " who is Rita"

wife - " who is Rita"
"it is a horse name"
"ok, she called yesterday"

A taxi was going on a highway

A taxi was going on a highway
passenger taps on shoulder of driver.
Driver gets shocked he looses control.
why so?
He used to transport dead persons earlier

2 aphemchi.

2 aphemchi.
1 asks "what is in my closed hand?"
2nd replies"Qutab minar"
1st says"why did u kept eyes open?"

A man and his wife were walking on a busy street.

A man and his wife were walking on a busy street. Coming to a corner a begger shouted out to the lady: "Oh sundari!!! andhha huu. sawa panch rupya de de" (Oh beautiful!! I am blind give me five and a quarter rupees) At once her husband told her: "de de, de de, tujhhe sundari bola hai to har haal me ye andhha hi hai!!" (Give him what he asks, If he thinks you are beautiful then there is no doubt that he is blind!!)This joke is Submited By

Santa returns from London. He calls his wife and asks her, "Do I look like a foreigner?"

Santa returns from London. He calls his wife and asks her, "Do I look like a foreigner?" She says no. The answer angers him. "Look carefully, do I look like a foreigner?" She again replies in the negative. By now the santa is fuming. He yells: "Come close and see, do I look like a foreigner?" The wife says: "No." Santa who is seething with rage says: "All those women in London were fools. Every time I went out they would say: `Look a foreigner`."

Santa: If you tell me what's there in my basket, I'll give you all the EGGS in it.

Santa :If you tell me what's there in my basket, I'll give you all the EGGS in it. Banta : (Thinking...) Santa :And if you tell me how many eggs are there, I'll give you all the 7 EGGS!! Banta : (Thinking...) Santa :And again if you tell me which bird's eggs these are, the HEN is also yours.... Banta : Your questions are too tough...So give me a clue or hint??? Santa :Do you think I am Stupid?

One day Santa was driving his new car. Suddenly, he collided with a bicycle.

One day Santa was driving his new car. Suddenly, he collided with a bicycle. The accident caused much damage to the bicycle and the guy was furious. Santaji ran towards him mumbling apologies, but the man was not pacified. He shouted at sardar got a stout stick and starting hammering it on the windshield. Santaji was shocked and tried to take the stick from him, requesting him to stop. But the bicycle man (who was incidently very stout) got hold of the Santaji and carried him ten meters away from his car. He drew a small circle near the road with the stick and asked Santaji to stay inside and not move outside the circle, threatening him with his stout stick for better measure. Now our Santaji was not very brave at heart and coolly went to stand in the circle. The man goes back to what he had left in the middle and starts on the headlights. After this, he starts on the rearlights. As soon as he breaks the first one, he hears a faint chuckle from the Santaji. He breaks the other one, now he could distinctly hear the Santaji laugh slightly. Enraged, he goes to the Santaji and asks him why he was laughing. Santaji says that it was nothing. He comes backs and resumes his assault on the poor car and as he goes on in this act, Santaji's laughs become louder and louder. Enraged, the bicycle man increases his assault , but the laughs keep on increasing rather than decreasing. At last, the bicycle man can't stop himself. He goes to the Santa and taking him by the collar, asks him the reason for laughing. Snata at first says it was nothing, but when the man starts getting really rough, he breaks down. He says "If I tell you, you will beat me". The bicycle man, now very curious, promises not to do anything if the Sardar tells him. Satisfied about his safety, our Santaji says "You know, while u were engaged there, I came out of the circle seventeen times."

Santa was enjoying Sun on a Beach in UK.

Santa was enjoying Sun on a Beach in UK. A lady came and asked him, " Are you relaxing" Santa answered '" No I am Santa Singh" Another Guy Came and asked the same Question. Santa answered " No No Me ! Santa Singh" Third one came and asked the same question, Santa was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place. While walking he saw another Sardar enjoying the Beach. He went and asked him " Are you Relaxing?". The other Sardar was much educated and answered "Yes I am relaxing. Santa slapped him on his face and said "Idiot, they are all searching for you and you are sitting here"

Santa and Banta were sitting outside a clinic.

Santa and Banta were sitting outside a clinic. Santa was crying like anything. So Banta asked, "Why are you crying?" Santa replied, "I came here for blood test" Banta asked, "So? Are you afraid?" First one replied, "No, not that. During the blood test they cut my finger" Hearing this Banta started crying very loudly. Santa was astonished and asked , "Why are you crying?" Banta replied, "I have come for my urine test."

Three Construction workers are working on the 20th floor of a tall building in Bombay.

Three Construction workers are working on the 20th floor of a tall building in Bombay. One is a Mallu, the second is a Bengali and the third is a Sardarji. Every day all the three meet in the lunch hall and have their lunch together. One fine day-the Mallu opened his lunch box and finds idlis in the box. He says " I am fed up of eating these idlis daily. If I find idlis in the box tomorrow, i will jump from the 20th floor and die". Next the Bengali opens his lunch box and finds Fish in it and says, If I find fish in my lunch box tomorrow, I am going to jump from the 20th floor of this building and die". Next the Sardarji opens his lunch box and finds Parathas in it and says "Mother promise, if I find parathas in my box tomorrow I am also going to jump from the 20th floor" Next day the three friends meet in the lunch room for lunch. Mallu opens his lunch box and finds Idlis and promptly jumps from the 20th floor and dies. The Bengali opens his lunch box and finds fish in it and jumps from the 20th floor and dies. Sardarji opens his box and finds parathas and he also jumps from the 20th floor and dies. In the combined funeral held for all the three friends by their colleagues, the Mallu's widow says "I did not know he hated idlis so much. If not I would have packed something else for his lunch". The Bengali's widow says "I did not know he hated fish so much. If not I would have packed something else for his lunch" The sardarji's widow says "I do not understand what went wrong. My husband always prepared his own lunch!"

Will you give me a ring?"

On a ROMANTIC dare sardar's girl friend asks him, "Darling on our engagement will you give me a ring?" Cooly replies: Ya sure, what's your phone numner.....This joke is Submited By - sardar

A man came running in to the sardar's office -

A man came running in to the sardarji's office and cried- "Santa ! Your daughter has died" Depressed, Sardarji jumps from 100th floor . . . . . At 50 th floor he remembers I don't have a daughter! . . . . . . At 25 floor: I'm unmarried ! . . . . . . . At 10 floor : he remembers "Ohh, I'm Banta not santa"

Santa: why are all these people running?

Santa: why are all these people running? Man: This is a race, the winner will get the cup. Santa: If only the winner will get the cup, why are others running?

Santa wins 20 cr

Santa wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealergave 11cr afterdeducting tax. Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or elsereturn my 20 Rsback.

Must help the wife

Dinesh goes to see his Boss in the hisoffice. "Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff." "We're short of staff" the boss replies. "I can't give you the leave."

"Thanks, boss," says Smith "I knew I could depend on you!"

Why I Fired My Secretary

Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday, and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway. I went down to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say "Happy Birthday," and probably have a present for me. She didn't even say "Good Morning," let alone any "Happy Birthday." I thought, "Well, that's wives for you. The children will remember." The children came down to breakfast and didn't say a word. When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary, Janet said, "Good Morning, Boss, Happy Birthday." And I felt a little better; someone had remembered. I worked until noon. Then, Janet knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside and it's your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me." I said, "By George, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go." We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go; we went out into the country to a little private place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously. On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day. We don't need to go back to the office, do we?" I said, "No, I guess not." She said, "Let's go to my apartment." After arriving at her apartment she said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable." "Sure," I excitedly replied. She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes she came out carrying a big birthday cake, followed by my wife, children, and dozens of our friends. They were all singing Happy Birthday... ...and there on the couch I sat... naked !!!

Santa Banta KO 3 live bomb

Santa Banta KO 3 live bomb mile, Police KO dene chale, *
*Santa : agar koi bomb raste mai Phat jaye to..? *
*Banta : Jhooth bol denge 2 hi mile the...!!! *

Woman behind a millionaire

Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?" Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"

Travel in the far east

Travel in the far eastMueller is traveling with his wife and mother-in-law in a far east country. At a place of honor his mother-in-law makes a careless remark, which the native people take as an insult to the royal family. Mueller is dragged off to court with his wife and mother-in-law and are sentenced to corporal punishment. Each of them are to recieve 50 lashes on the rear end with a cane. But because the royal family doesn't want to appear hostile to foreigners, they grant the guests in their country a wish beforehand, as long as it is able to be fulfilled. Mrs. Mueller is first. "What do you wish for yourself?" "I would like a pillow bound on my rear end before the lashings." "Okay, that shall be granted to you." Mrs. Mueller has the pillow bound to her rear end and receives her punishment. But because the pillow is too small and the executioner also hits her back a couple of times, she receives a few blows. Next it is Mueller's mother-in-law's turn. "What do you wish for yourself?" "I would like a pillow bound on my rear end and a pillow bound on my back before the lashings." "Okay, that shall be granted to you." The mother-in-law receives her fifty lashes, but hardly feels the pain through the pillows. Then comes Mueller himself. "What do you wish for yourself?" "I have two wishes. Do you want to fulfill them for me?" "Because you are a guest in our country, we want to fulfill your wishes for you, as long as they are reasonable." "I would like 100 lashes instead of 50." The executioner is surprised, but recovers again right away and replies, "Yes, that is a pious wish, it shall be granted to you. And what is your second wish?" "I would like to have my mother-in-law bound to my back."

Haircut before a trip

Haircut before a tripA man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there?It's crowded & dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome.So, how are you getting there?""We're taking TWA," was the reply. "We got a great rate!""TWA?" exclaimed the barber. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late.So, where are you staying in Rome?""We'll be at the downtown International Marriott.""That dump! That's the worst hotel in the city. The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?""We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope.""That's rich," laughed the barber. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."A month later, the man again came in for his regular haircut. The barber asked him about his trip to Rome."It was wonderful," explained the man, "not only were we on time in one of TWA's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28 year old stewardess who waited on me hand and foot.And the hotel-it was great! They'd just finished a $25 million remodeling job and now it's the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the presidential suite at no extra charge!""Well," muttered the barber, "I know you didn't get to see the pope.""Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait the pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later the pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down as he spoke a few words to me.""Really?" asked the Barber. "What'd he say?"He said, "Where'd you get the lousy haircut?

Your wife just fell out

Your wife just fell outOn a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?" To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"